8/16 The last weekend before school!!! AHH!!! With still stuff to read!!! AAHHHHHHHH!!!!! lol, it's under control...well...hey, look over there!

        

8/13 One of the cooler things I've been doing this summer is playing Star Wars CCG. It has been outta print for awhile but it's still a great game and quite addictive. It's cool: you have cards that represent evrything in the SW universe, from Han Solo to Vader to the alien in the background of the Cantina to any ship in the movies...it has it all.  It's one of the geekier things i do, so sue me ; P.

     Anyway, it got me thinking about life. Hehe, i'm crazy, but, seriously, it did.  Think about it: your life is the deck of cards and what is on the table is your life as it is now.  The cards in your hand represent the choices and options you are limited to. And, drawing cards represents your luck or chance in life, how it fluctuates up and down, lucky and unfortunate.  And how you play with what you have determines if you win the game.  I'm wacko, aren't I? ; )

     I dunno. I mean it's hard to explain but that's the jist of it right there. 

     In the sense of 'how you play' the 'game' (of Life!...get it?), I'd like to think I'm changed how I play the game, how I do things in life nowadays. I'm much more confident, in control of my emotions, not as implusive, and more assertive and daring. I like it and how I've changed. (My humor still sucks but O well).   I mean, those faults were things I hated, or at least disliked alot, about myself, and I really tried to change them. And, I did...for the most part. I still possess what i like about myself with some slight 'modifications'. Well, i dunno, I always change, everyone changes, the whole world changes...that's a basic premise of life: change,change,change....I'm crazy, no? -Paul

 

8/8 I seriously think I'm like a vampire or something; I just pulled my third all-nighter in a row.  It's not like I want to, i try to sleep normally, but I just can't sleep.  Wow...

     Anyway, this column goes deep too. So let's go deep...Ok...here we go....Ok, ummm let's pick; choose from: my view on love, things that happen with albums, or my brother (yet again).  Well, I frankly don't want to talk about love (well actually it's 'like like' but u know what i mean)... my bro again? psh! He already gets into everything mine so no.  Well fine, albums it is...

    You know what is really sweet and puts everyone in a good mood? (Well, I mentioned it, but remember 'intros are important'...yeah) A good album. CDs that is. Yup, I can't tell you how much my friends and I get pumped up and start saying (to quote one of them) " DUUUDDE!! This is the coolest album ever!!" When he says that, however, I'm like 'right...', but that's being hypocritical; I end up saying the same...

     What tops that though is (u can't guess this one now can you ; ) is, in my opinion, a CD that just reflects your life or that you can relate to just so well.  In my case, I have two CDs like that: Fallen by Evanescence and Evan and Jaron's self-titled CD. Every song in those albums, seriously, reflects how I feel or aspects or parts of my life ( and the songs all rock; what a plus!). I didn't expect  any of them to; it just happened. But, yeah, it's really cool. Hehe, obviously to many my taste in music is bad but that's ok ; )

 later - PPP

   

     

8/3 (Addendum) I had at great time at Mellody's party.  I had a blast; really fun. But...I'm just so loaded on soda! Whoa...I feel weird but a 'cool' weird. Not hyper though. hmmm....what pretty colors...kidding ; P.  -Paul

 * O yeah, hehe, in all her time of knowing me, my friend just heard someone call me 'Triple P' for the first time two nights ago. Hehe, it's really...i dunno, lol, but funny to say the least. - P

 

8/3 My summer is now perfect. Yeah, I've had my ticket and my phone problems, and my summer was still incredible; but now it is perfect. This is officially the best summer of my life. Why? Cuz I just patched up my friendship with a certain friend of mine. That was the only thorn in the side of my perfect and best summer. Now, it's gone! Man, I didn't realize how much I miss talking to her. Dang... I love her. Her friendship means so much to me; it's indescribable, I mean she just does something to me, you know? I'm glad I met her the one time way back then ; ) and got the guts to talk to her. We just had some missunderstandings... We both did mistakes; I think it's mostly my fault, but i'm glad were ok now. Of course, we did it in the same fashion as usual and took it to the next level...that's right we talked till 4 am instead of the regular 2 am(it's 5 am right now, I don't want to sleep, and i'm so happy, hehe and....loaded on soda) 

    Man... I love you so much, hehe.  I'm so happy! I'm really glad your my friend, and maybe i'm even glad about this stuff that happened to us.  I missed you so much. Man, I want to cry (hehe). Well, thank God, I'm glad your my friend and that were cool now. I mean, c'mon, we're like an amazing duo. Like John and Ponch, Hall and Oates, John and Paul, Fred and Velma, the Wonder Twins even? How could we ever be on bad terms?!??! lol. I love you so much, girl. I'm glad your back, back in my life.

 -Your friend always, Paul 

* <sigh> I want to give you a hug so bad! - P

 

8/1 Sweet, it's the first post of August and it's also 5: 49 AM.  Hehe, this is like the 5th all nighter I've pulled this summer; I'm not sure I should be proud of that... well, whatever. 

      It's that time again! Time to stop your brain from dissolving and start your 'August Reading'!  It's not really stacked at the Rock for us seniors (yee-ah!), that is, unless, you have Gov and/or Euro. Those two classes each require one 500 page book to be read. I'll have my work cut out for me, but I think( i think) I can probably finish one in 4-5 days. Well, that's the plan! I hope it works. If it does, I can reread them or check out highlights.  Think it's geeky? Yeah, it sorta is, but, then again, the gov. book is worth 250 points, and English requires an essay to be based off 'their' book, so it's smart. 

      I can't believe it's August. lol, wow.  It's been a blast though; probably the best summer of my life (besides the mishaps, hehe) b/c of my friends. Yeah, I love ALL you guys (well, plutonically of course...except for Bobby (call me)) and I'm glad to have each of you as my friend or more (like Madz and Al-dawg are my sisters, Bobby's my lover, Joe's my assassin, and I'm Sarah's pimp).Seriously. Thanks for everything; don't think I'll forget. 

      After a friend of mine mentioned the term 'best friend', I took a awhile to think about it: I don't have just one best friend; i have like a group of best friends, a circle if you will.  I'd say it ranges from 9-12 people all very different and special from each other. It's cool; some I can talk to about sports, others philosophy, girls, song writing, being Asian (...like you can't guess...wait did I just say that?), problems, or even the CIA ( u know who you are ; ) or someone who just messes around with me with jokes and insults galore( u know who you are, you jerk! kidding, bud ). And don't think it's just restricted to guys b/c i go to an all guys school. I have girls in there as well; I have some including the nicest human being on the planet and one who can knock my lights out (trust me, it hurts!) just to name a few.

      But yeah, I love ALL you guys. I'm not needy, but, seriously, I wouldn't be 42.6% of the kid,man, punk, idiot, Triple P, dude, (you get the picture) i am today and/or will be w/o u guys. So to ALL my friends....gracias to le max.      

- Yours always -Paul (or Triple or Trip-Masta, Jerk, Fool, Ewok, Peña, Pacific Islander...whatever you call me. Do people really call me all that? Hehe, yeah i guess...cept for jerk... who would call me that? ; )   

 

 

7/23  It shocked me from day one. I seriously I thought it was a dream. Kobe Bryant accused for sexual assualt?!?! I mean yeah he's a pro athlete but this is Kobe Bryant. Kobe Bryant, one the most popular and one of the best the NBA has to offer, has been known in his 7 years to head back home after games and never hang at bars, drink, smoke, get a tattoo, or 'associate' himself with women pre or extra-martially. Now, however, he's being charged with, essentially, rape, but he denies the allegation and admits to having commited ' the mistake of adultery' not rape.

     I was shocked, stunned, but, believe it or not, my mom, a huge Kobe fan (not the Lakers but KOBE) was so horrified and dissapointed that he wasn't 'unlike other athletes' and ' above them'.  In fact, she said she could never hold Kobe in that regard again even though Kobe publicly apologized, in such a sincere, honest manner, to his wife.  My mom considered him a role model before this 'catastrophe', and now she regards him as 'just like the rest'.

     I disagree.  Yes, cheating on your wife is horrendous. Yes, rape is even more worse and more dispicable (though it has yet to be proven that the sex was not consensual). But...I can still consider Kobe as a role-model and still hold respect for him ( the Kobe fandom runs in the family), except, of course, if he did rape the girl (If he did you can disregard this whole column).  I mean, for the past 7 yrs, he has faced the normal pro athlete temptations (drugs, excessive partying, alcohol, shady business, and women) and has not succumbed to them.  And, he is not 'just' an NBA player. No, this is Kobe Bryant. Kobe Bryant, ladies and gents. He is the 'kid' who, though entered the pros right after high school, seemed to possess the maturity and poise of a man beyond his years. The 'kid' who is considered one of the top three players in the game right now and all-time. The 'kid' who has won three NBA championships, been named an All-Star and a All-NBA teamer numerous times. The 'kid' on numerous McDonald's, Addidas, and Sprite ads.  And...the kid who has been heralded as the 'cleanest' man off the court.  Now, don't you think he'd have more ladies trying 'to get some of 'that'' or trying to swindle from him than 'just' a regular player?  Heck, even everyone who knows personally Kobe couldn't fathom him even doing the deed even with his status. 

         But even though he did commit adultery,the biggest mistake of his life and career, you can't just throw everything else he has done away. For 7 years (7 years!) he hasn't done anything of this nature, and he is not only just a pro athlete and not  'just' certified superstar.  No, he is one of the best and one of the most popular, thus receiving not only much more attention but much more temption.  I mean, wow. Now that's willpower right there. And you'll disregard all that just for slipping once? Even though this was his most 'depressing',as my mom puts it, year (run of 3 championships ended (he cried), surguries on his shoulder and knee, and possible attention from wife diverted to new born baby) ? Certainly the temptaion must have been much stronger especially, since he went alone to CO for surgery. Yeah, he did a horrendous deed, but then again who hasn't? And, this is a pro athlete; I can't name more than 6 'clean' players , in any sport, who haven't done this kinda thing at one point or another. AND he said SORRY and IN PUBLIC!!! (which is worthy of praise as well) Hehe, compared to most them (like 99%), he's still a saint.  

       And that's why Kobe Bryant should still be considered a 'hero' or a role-model. Not as much as he used to but still up there. Yes, he messed up, but even the greatest of us has...and who hasn't? (well, ok, there was that one guy...) gimme some feedback; hope you enjoyed. later- Paul

 

        It's like 'Star Wars' (seriously, it is).  In 'The Empire Strikes Back' (ESB), Luke epitomizes someone with his problem perfectly. He is so impetuous, so cocky, too eager, too rash, and too close-minded.  Instead of finishing his training in order to face Vader and win, he prematurely leaves to save his friends knowing he will face Vader though Yoda warns him that he won't save his friends anyway and lose.  And the Green Dude was right: Luke's arrival does not and cannot change the fate of his friends, and Luke loses his hand and discovers the horrible truth he is not ready for in his loss to Vader. 

       That entire part described parallels the situation perfectly. Luke feels confident enough or forces his confidence because of  many factors: His emotions, his friends, cockiness, and eagerness driving him blind from the truth and reason.  And that parallels me or anyone having the same dilemma. We are driven by all or some of the following: our emotions (guilt, loss, joy, etc), outsde pressure (peers and peer pressure, family, past, even the media), and our eagerness and cockiness. And we are cught up in these that we don't ake time to think or listen to advice.  And, most of the time, we do lose something like Luke such as a friend, a future oppurtunity, confidence, progress built up to this point, innoncence, and or even the entire dream etc.            

             And yet we can learn from this like Luke who finished his training and matured so that he could defeat Vader.  We can learn from our experinces like Luke and then be fully ready to face 'our destiny'. But still i think being patient prevails here: you don't have to lose as much.  Thus, it requires patience, restraint, control of emotions, contemplation, and wisdom to avoid 'wrong turns' and 'potholes' on the way.  At least that's what i think.   Gimme a buzz if u have comments or disagree. later - Paul

 

7/15 (addendum) Yesterday, I went with my friends to eat sushi. Here's what we (and he too) said as he tried eating sushi for the time in his life: 

 

"What the hell? That's supposed to fit in my mouth?"

 

"You put the whole thing in your mouth"

"It might hurt my throat"

 

"Take it like a man"

 

"You ordered it crunchy"

 

"But you like it like that don't you?"

 

"What the f*** ? It's slippery"

 

"You have to pick it up"

 

" I dropped it"

 

 

 

There were more and it's one of those things where 'you had to be there' but i wanted to share ;) later-

 

7/15 I finally beat 'X-Men vs. Street fighter'!!! haha...it's the little things in life that make me happy ; ) I only used three tries after the initial charge and i wound up with the top score!!! yes!!! lol...i'm such a geek. later - Paul

 

7/13 (addendum) Oh oh! Guess what I did today!! I saw Episode II for the fourth time in my life. That monstrosity people call a movie... I really loved the original Star Wars, really I did, but the new ones are just horrible maximus.  I mean George Lucas ,whose face is looking similar to Jabba the Hutt's these days, had to set up the background for episodes 4-6, so he created (or will) the abominations called "Episodes I -III".  And, although these movies really tarnished the original Star Wars, they conveyed their purpose: Episode I introduced the Sith, Epi. II put Palpatine into power and made Anakin taste the dark side and marry the mother of Luke and Leia, and Epi. III will bring about the emergence of Darth Vader, the Empire, and the destruction of the Jedi Knights. 

      And yet, almost everything about those movies were plain horrible:

        - Anakin actors- look, There is no way the way little Jake Lloyd or Hayden Christiansen acted could ever ever make me believe that Anakin becomes Vader. No way.

        - Stories- Ok, now these sucked.  Episode I : a simple rescue Queen and win back castle. No intricate story lines, maybe side stories, but nothing hard to overcome.  Episode II: Protect Senator, find this mysterious dude, and rescue Obi-Wan.  Better but somehow it still seemed so bland...so boring.

        - JAR JAR BINKS - not only is he the most incredibly annoying being in the galaxy, but this lame excuse of an alien is stilll annoying in EPi. II after numerous complaints about him.  If George Lucas was smart, he would have killed off Binks either literally or explained that he stayed in Naboo or some jazz like that. 

     - the script- teh horrible: too boring and, although tried to be more formal like the origianls, went too over the top  

 - the lines that are supposed to be memorable- Lucas forced these and botched them up so badly....ugh.

    

        Yet there are good parts:

           - Liam Neeson and Ewan MacGregor- they were the only good actors ( and they were superb) in the movies. Even Sam L. Jackson sucked; way too stoic.    

           - Lightsabers battles- Darth Maul was only cool when he fought, and hehe he fought well.  The fight scenes with Count Dooku were great too but not as good as Epi. 1.  I actually didn't like the Yoda fight scene too much; it seemed hard to follow and he basically kept spinning and hopping around. Dissapointing compared to the hype I heard about it.

 

Alas, these films dissapointed me, and in no way will they ever replace the original. - Paul

 

7/13 These quotes hit me today, made me think; they are from Fr. Tom. Just wanted to share:

 

"The majority does not determine the truth"

"Doing God's Plan is not like winning the popularity contest"

"We are all tempted by the desire to remain silent (in response to people doing wrong, times changing)"

"The truth doesn't change" 

 

Yeah...that was deep.  Later guys - Paul

 

7/11 (addendum) "Desire is irrelevent. I am...a machine!" I love that quote. As you can guess, I'm in a T3 mode; I saw the movie again at 10 am (I was awake all night, and I felt like a movie ; ). I didn't waste my money though because I love T3, and it is an excellent film.  Not only does it bring about the 'rise of the machines' but signifies the emergance of a promising young actor Nick Stahl, a perfect John Connor (what ever happened to Edward Furlong?).  Also, it represents the successful return of Claire Danes in a leading role; the young and very talented actress plays an excellent Kate Brewster, the smart, sweet and yet tough lead female human.  The female cyborg is played by the Amazonian-like Kristanna Loken.  In the New York native's first on screen appearance, she plays the T-X cyborg which has shape-shifting powers, like the T-1000 in T2, and with much more advanced enhancements than it's predessor (well duh, ha).  She fits the role perfectly, providing a voluptuous femme fatale who whoops 'Aanuld''s obselete cyborg can.  Speaking of the former Mr. Universe, Arnold is in amazing shape for a 60 yr old ( he looks like he's in his late 40's to me).  This time, he provides humor without acting like a dog being trained (like with young John in T2).  Hehe, he perhaps had the greatest instance of using 'talk to the hand' EVER. Haha...it's amazing. 

         I would go into the whole plot but it is basically almost the same as that of T2: " My mission is to protect John Connor" from, of course, a cyborg sent back in time to kill the future leader of the resistance against the machines.  So I shall say what my likes and dislikes are.

   Likes: -The actors- Each role had a perfect fit with the best being either    Danes or Stahl.  - The story, background, and twists- probably the most complex (which I love) that I have ever seen/heard about.  - The 'Love' Connection - John and Kate's attraction is the most 'real' I've seen on screen.  After meeting each other, they don't just go completly ga-ga over each other and start making out within like 10 minutes, like in a lot of movies (especially a couple of recent flicks); the attraction builds over time and seems incredibly natural as in it's not a forced 'I have to have them kissing by the end' deal.  - The end - one word: WOW

     Dislikes: -The action scenes- Ok, they weren't terrible just dissapointing.   Not as good as i thought they would be but good,exciting, and packed. One of my friends said the crane scene was better than the whole Matrix Reloaded...right.  -Humor- I disliked the fact that the humor style deviated from that of T2.  T2's was more in context and flowing. T3's, though good at points, sometimes got corny.

      Overall a good film. It's gets  3.5 - 4 stars outta 5 from me. Any comments in general or about the film? I'd love to talk about it (ask Lindgren. hehe). Later- PPP  * o and if you like my review gimme a holla. thx.

 

7/11 It is 4:52 AM. For the maybe the 15th time in 3 weeks, I have been up past 3 in the morning. It is the 20th time I have been up after 2.  Wow, I've become a creature of the night, an insomniac.  I really can't fall alseep...o well; I'll get over it - Paul 

 

7/10 Besides being my Mom's Birthday, I have two days left of being grounded.  Yup. In two days, i will have survived two weeks of not hanging with my friends.  Now that is 'whoa'.  hehe.  It's kinda wierd though, I mean i didn't 'suffer' as much as people may think.  It was kinda like a vacation really; I got to relax, recollect, and enjoy myself like any other vacation.  And probably the wierdest thing is that, although i missed my friends a lot, i realized how much I really love my family and that I spent too much time away from them.  Yeah, I'd be gone way before my dad got home and i'd come back when everyone was getting ready for bed or already sleeping.  Then, I'd stay up till 2 chatting online and wake up at 10 then I'd start the cycle again, forgetting about my brother and my chores and going out.  I was so carefree, so wild. hehe.

      And the reason I got grounded that long was exactly that: my parents said i was too carefree and 'different'.  They said I acted cocky, irresponsible, lazy, and, to quote my mom, "prickly" (i thought she meant i was being a prick but she said that she meant i was being irritable and short tempered. I probably was being a prick anway. hehe ; P ).  I denied those allegations vehemenantly to no avail.  They also wanted me to get 'grounded' attitude wise (remember my values etc.); they said I wasn't acting like my old self. 

     They were right.  During the first couple of days i realized i was acting really different and i forgot how much i love them (esp. Alf).  I forgot them.  And they don't deserve that.  And also i was acting like a prick. hehe

     Well basically during my grounding i played 5-7 games of ping-poing everyday so a total of maybe ( 6 x let's say 12) 72 games. 72 games. Holy shit. lol. I also ran errands for my mom and went to the library. i worked out too ( i feel amazing) and played hoops.  My 4th was great too; I spent it watching fireworks with my dad and brother in the best spot in town (15 seconds up my street hehe ; )

      So yeah, my grounding wasn't that bad.  BUT NOW....I FEEL SO COOPED UP AND BORED!!!!! SOMEONE HELP!!!! kidding...just two mre days...I'll survive - later -Paul  

       

 

7/4 Happy Fourth!!! Interesting fact: my first RoaMM was last year on this day, so i'll make this a wee bit longer to commemorate the anniversary of RoaMM ( a section I enjoy updating very much ^ __^ )...

      Where to start...hmmm...well it's summer so i'll talk about my favorite summer activity...hoops.  Ah yes the great game of basketball. From 5th to 9th grade, I used to play basketball for 5 hrs everyday. Seriously. I loved that game so much ( I still play just not as much; maybe 30 mins or so. I'm busy ( i have a life! Woot!!! hehe) and I don't feel like it as much).  I played usually alone at first, but then I'd play in the evenings with my Dad who was team captain of his Jesuit high-school team...he's not easy (hehe).  We ALWAYS talked trash to each other, and we relished each insult. That was probably the only time I could ever get away with that.  Those were good times...It was a real treat, however, when the kids from my block asked to play.  I got to play with teammates, see how good other people are, and hang with cool people! when they asked me to hang in general that was perhaps even better ; )   

     The best times were of course playing with Hannah.  Not only was she GOOD in hoops, but she( well still is ) very GOOD looking too.  Those + her killer smile, incredible cheeriness, unparalleled kindness, her hair, and her = a long crush on her.  Some people even thought she liked me, so that was nice too. I still had to nail a three over her face to win a game though ;P.  Hehe...great times, greater stories...that lasted awhile.  She still lives down my street... I wonder...nah. hehe 

      And yet another thing i wanted to rant about was my brother, James ( i call him Alf). Hehe. I wanted to write this after I thought about how close he came to beating me in ping-pong; it was a grand epic (23-21). I'm really proud of that kid.  Not just for that but like for evrything.  He's so quick with his responses, his insight and wit are amazing, and conversations with him are always a treat. He's so smart, hilarious and tall! He'll be taller than me for sure; no doubt. That's why I'm proud of this kid, my brother, James Peña.  He can be the biggest prick but i usually let that slide...usually...ha...I love that kid.  Enjoy your holiday! cya -PPP    

    

 

 

7/1 After looking at my old songs... (i wrote most of them b4 February) I realized how much of it was crap. Seriously. After rewiritng most of them <see how much time i got now that i'm grounded ; ) > i realize how much i've changed since.  My style has changed and so has my music sense.  It's more fluid, more sensitive, more intimate, more dark, less innocent...I like it.  I think it reflects how i've changed and also how i've improved from experience and tips (from various places).  So i'll rewrite most of my songs and integrate that new style into them. later -PPP

 

6/18 "Patience is a virtue". "Good things come to those who wait."... I used to believe those idealogies but i now i'm not sure if i do.  Generally, i''m a patient man and i try to make sure i'm always ready for that some...thing to' 'appear' or run or come to me.  I always have kept faith in that belief, that hope that  i'll get my day. But now it seems patience is getting me nowhere...I feel like I've been waiting 12 years for this...12 years! and that I have not even gotten a sample or some kind of tangible evidence as to how this thing really 'tastes' while others have!...i dunno. It doesn't seem fair; I think i deserve it just as much as others do.  And sometimes I think i can grasp it, but when i try to clasp it, it seems to just flow through my fingers like dust or smoke. I am a dreamer and an optimist but now i'm not sure about that anymore... my faith in that theory is failing and i am becoming impatient.  Maybe i have to wait some more...but sometimes i wish i had a sign that maybe the wait is coming to an end...

 

6/15 (addendum) i miss my hair...

 

6/15 Today i realized something...something important...something that never crossed my mind till this afternoon.... I stopped being me. Yes stopped being me, the true me.  I stopped being who everyone knows me as: the jolly, somewhat crazy, fun loving, ever friendly, ever smiling, ever laughing, somewhat fuuny (in a wierd way), and the social yet sometimes loner Filipino.  hmmm...    

 

6/14 For the second time in my life...i relaized i had no clue where i was going; I was zooming down Wornall with the radio on louder than usual and i realized i must have passed the street i was going to turn into (i just remembered it changes names at Wornall). so i had to back track...then after getting on the right street and being 4 blocks away from the place...i read..."ROAD CLOSED". I'm like, "Shoot" and and back track and decide to cut across this community to a parallel street (this tactic usually works in my experience but i'm not sure it's recommended).  anyway what i thought would be err...maybe 5 mins turn out to be 15 of a continuous yet winding road. Then it took me 7 more to get to my destination to chill out.  I think i'm glad i had that trip...that sense of being alone in the darkness with only my thoughts and myself ( i could shut up Nelly whenever i wanted) just soothed me...i felt the pain but somehow i didn't feel an urgancy to lash out.  then i sat down and read comics. Ah yes comics. I never realized just how much i miss those things( i haven't read comics in 6 yrs)..but right now i relaized why they are important to me.  They take me away from this world and indulge me in one of fantasy where people (usually good but not always) have struggles with themsleves, life, and or some universally threatening...threat.  And that's where I find closure...most of the time they save the day with little consequence...sometimes they do with major losses and sometimes they don't.  But it's in the struggle, in those drawings that i let go of everything and focus on the 'drama' unfolding in the comics...where nothing pertains to me..and the good guys never give up no matter how bad it is.  Anyways i met Vince, Margaret and their friend there so that was cool... Then i drove home at like 85 mph with my steroeo balring it was nice...

 *I'd like to especially thank Sarah tonight...thanks a lot, i'll always remember it - Paul 

 

6/13 Just doing some thinking...hmmm...i'm so tired, my body feels almost lifeless. Must be b/c of those late nights. What was i doing up? easy. watching 'Breaking Away', an excellent film, and other stuff.  right now it's 1 and i feel like writing a song. i usually write some of my best work in the wee hrs of the morning... o about 6/9-6/10? I'm great, amazing, ecstatic...better than ever.  I felt refreshed and energized...and ready for new adventures to come! (i've always wanted to say that ; )  ...sometimes i get sad but only just for a minute... but just for a second...i mean c'mon?!?! i'm Paul Peña, the mostly jolly, smiling, laughing, Asian Kid!!!

 

6/10 Regarding last night... I don't regret what i did or one word i said; i meant them all...I knew what the answer would be but i had to get it of my chest and try. I took a shot. I'm glad i did, i slept well...i got depressed in the morning and other times (which is expected but going to Best Buy and my friends got me out of it; thx guys!!!).... but not mostly b/c of the answer...i mean sure that hurt but i expected that answer; deep in my heart i knew that it would turn out like this... i just had to feel/hear it.  But i get depressed mostly because i bared my whole heart out and i felt the reprocussions of that (not the answer but just laying it all out).  I mean  i like her and of course i wanted the desirable answer  but i always knew it wasn't the other way around and that i had to say it.  hmmm...i knew deep down ( i really did)the answer but i know i had to say everything... i had to... i held it way too long and i thought that time was the perfect time. I'm not p issed or anything in fact it made me grow stronger: i now know i have the courage to do what has to be done regardless of the outcome, and i can face my fears and conquer them. I admit i wish the answer was different but i hold no hard feelings of any kind in fact my respect for her has grown  and hopefully so will our amazing friendship.  She shouldn't feel bad at all; you can't choose who you like (it's orignally love from the person i got it from but in this case it's like), nor can you choose who likes you. And i'm a firm believer in that so i guess it was more like a friendly handshake after a loss in a friendly game rather than a slap in the face (and that's good, just bad metaphor). In these cases, you have to think of yourself first; you have to win. And i strongly adhere to that belief as well.  So, Plz forgive me if i hurt you... i didn't mean to if i did... and don't worry about me i'll be fine seriously ...I still want to keep what we have... i love and cherish every moment we spent and have and i hope to have more of those... i don't want things to change. You are a dear friend and you always will be.  -Paul

 

6/8 (addendum) Now that I'm done with the SATs, I can do anything I want!!! even rule the world!!! but I won't do that this summer. Instead, I have a list

 

Play hoops

write songs

take singing lessons

tap lessons?

karate again?

bike

work out

get a job

watch T3, HULK, and other good/interesting looking movies

hang with friends

meet new people

and...relax my lazy butt off...ahhhh

 

6/8 I feel ignored...neglected... I dunno. I mean usually i expect some kind of "hey Paul we're going to do this or that" on a Friday or Saturday evening...yet the people who i usually get it from don't call...wierd, no?  alas, maybe things change...maybe they don't; b4 these recent occurances, I usually felt like an outsider or well at least not like a focal point.  I ddind't mind too much...now it's just, "Missing some1? nah". I mean even if i couldn't make it...it's the thought that counts, right (at least to me)? <sigh> O well...hehe they might not even know what's coming up...

 

6/1 And my project is... a collection of songs about release, closure, revelation, and walking forward. And what praytell is this collection called?  Catharsis.  yup...I think it shows my growth over the year and epiphanies i've had during the last weeks of school and the first post school (wierd, no?). and I'm so glad; i'm happier, looser, and ...more...me. hehe well anyway i have 4 foundations for songs and they have a new 'flavor' to them. They seem to be more mature than the old stuff and they sound well better..not much better but there's a noticable difference. (if that makes sense)

 

5/12 I hate always being 2nd best or the 2nd fiddle.  I want to be the top guy...at least in somethings.  It's not like i'm never the best or number 1; i have my moments.  But that's in things i don't really care for as much as what i really want.  Hmmm....I still should be grateful; I'm incredibly lucky, but sometimes i think i'll run outta luck.  <sigh> i just wish i was lucky more often in things I really want, but i'm still grateful for what i got.

 

 

5/8  What is going on?!?!?!?  I mean everyone is breaking up... I'm like WHOA...i can't believe it...It made me wonder you know? Like how maybe we're not ready for this kind of thing; I mean we're teenagers: we change our minds so drastically and quickly cuz we really don't know what we want. Anargument is that this is like practice for later on. I disagree.  Can't you see what u want and don't want just by beng friends?It's not as in depth  but you can interact with more people and get to know people better than if you're not just restricted to one person . and it saves heartbreak which hurts ALOT. I dunno. Am i saying High school relationships are always faulty? of course not;there are exceptions.  I'm just sayiing success rates would be better if we matured more first like in college or something....Just a thought.

     Someone asked "is it worth it?" i'm not sure... there's fun and the chase vs. heartbreak and the pain.... i dunno         Any comments/disagreements? talk to me; I want to hear this

 

5/3 X2 is AMAZING!!! it's soooo much better than the first with more charcters,powers, and action.  Favorite character from the movie? Nightcrawler by far; C'mon, the opening scenes, the accent, and the TAIL...hard to beat.  SPOILER(DOn't READ UNLESS YOU WANT X2 (if you haven't seen it) or X3(or a future movie) TO BE SPOILED: this is just a theory of mine: Remember how Jean Greay was having moments where her eyes glowed red? And how at the end she had fire in her eyes, and it was her voice talking about how some evolutions take place faster than others? well you know what that means....the next movie will have Phoenix!

 

5/3 Yesiree bob... gonna take the SAT and ACT once again.  I didn't do bad (1280 and 30 respectively) but statistics show a significant increase in retakes. 

 

4/30 b.  Right now i feel like Angel from X-Men... 'classic' X-men. yeah yeah it sounds dorky but seriously. Comics (especially Marvel comics) are plausible literature and do have deep, involved stories.  Anyway,  I know not many people know about him back then, and that's why i'm venting by using him.  i mean besides the powers i have everything he has even emotions; and that's the emphasis.  I don't know what to do about it; I can't prevent the natural order of things... O well...Why am i complaining/venting? Cuz i something i really want so bad. i know i have everything else i could want (i'm not rich but that doesn't matter) and quite frankly i don't deserve what i have. seriously. But now that there's something i really want...i can't get it...maybe no matter what i do.  And that's how it is with Angel: he's rich and has everything except thast one thing.  But that's life! i have to accept that and move on. I have to believe better things are in store and that this is part of God's Plan /destiny/ natural order.  I have to have hope and never give up. Trust me...I may fall...BUT i'll never stay down...

 

4/30 Why are things so confusing? My life has never been as confusing and stressful as this year.   i dunno i've changed so much since last year, and I feel so grown up.  But that's not the point though, I like how i changed; it's just who can I trust? I hear so much  from everyone;i just don't no who toobelieve.  And another thing... I h8e holding back! i wish i could let go of some things...but i can't.

 

4/25  hey sup...wanna to know something about me? my greatest weakness?  I'd have to say my implusiveness.  It's what my mom had noted as my greatest folly, my Achillies heel, but she's right.  I've made so many decisions i've regretted because I was implusive and sometimes i just don't want to listen to anyone WISE.  O boy....hmmm it is hard to control my impluses but i'm working on it ya know? And...maybe it's a pride issue or just a strong release of tension cuz i do hold back a lot. hmm o well... enough about me...    

 

4/17 I'm having a great week. O boy lemme tell ya. Doing well in school, met some new people, hung with my friends, and made V.S. I'm happy, man. Ecstatic even!

 

12/20 Allen Iverson is the man.  9 steals vs. the Lakers... yeah, the Lakers suck.  Philly's my team this year.  They (finally) have offensive power that matches their tough-nosed defense.  They finally don't look lost on offense looking for an option.  Plus, A.I. rox! He's playing like he did in 2000-01 when he won the MVP title and went to the Finals. Scarier thing: the team is so much better than that year.  My prediction? Sixers beat Dallas 4-2 in Finals.  MVP? Guess the Answer...

 

12/18 Yes! one more day of Finals..... Gonna see LOTR tomorrow with my homies (it should ROCK!).  Then I'm going to CA on Sunday.  Hopefully I can relax and lose the stress.  Also, I hope I can find the good Paul the guys are more accustomed to seeing... I've changed: I'm evil, I'm bad, and I get angry more often. I know i don't like people running over me but i think i'm going to extreme on that note.  <sigh> well Good Luck and Happy Holidays! 

 

12/6 Just pulled another all nighter...... boy I'm gonna stop growing considering how often I pull late nights off. Plus 4 tests. whoopee! I'm actually not screwed; i was able to study so there.

 

11/3  I had a great night. Heh I mean how can u beat getting mobbed and getting a B-day card with sumos on it when it's not your b-day? u can't so there : P...... Well, anyways, I feel excellento; I feel like a new person:  i'm more confident and maybe too confident...... Yeah i got a 12 CDs for the price of one deal from BMG. Hard to believe but u only have to buy one CD SERIOUSLY.btw if u do order from there plzzzzzzzzzzz mention me so i can get a free CD!............My car got new oil and now i can go like hmmmmmm Jetto fast! hahahhhahahahhahahah

 

10/27 ?  I don't care what day it is.  Heh i posted my songs. yup. for all to laugh at ,  applaud, whatever. Have a blast. seriouously I WANT FEEDBACK

 

10/13 Yesterday night completely blew.  I guess a bathroom is cooler than me.  I feel horrible and it SUCKS. I'll get over it , but it just hurts right now...a lot. At least I wrote a song out of it. 

 

10/9 Yeah......i'm confused........O well........i think I'm flying solo right now...

I'm usually a loner (and that really isn't a bad thing seriously), but then again I've only lived for 1/5 of my life.  I dunno, I mean sometimes i'm better by myself but something is missing, and frankly, it hurts a lot sometimes.  I feel free yet restrained; i think i'd feel more free with some1 else with me.  but i know sometimes Paulie's gotta soar solo sometimes

 

8/27 DO NOT click on any of David Smith's links unless u want to be traumitized for life (or if any1 else is in the area).  Joe Le is......well......how should i put it.......NOT BLACK!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......Please don't make me hurt u.

 

8/3 U know there's a blind musician named Paul Peña? (and no, i didn't poke my eyes over summer) Ain't that wild? He's a blues guitarist who performs in Asia. At least he doesn't have the third P. heh so screw u heh jk. Blarg!

 

p.p. shaved my musatache and goatee (got boring)

 

anyway i shaved my goatee and mustache

 

8/1 I just realized i'm a Fozzy.  Me Fozzy? C'mon my jokes aren't that lame and i'm serious sometimes right? heh.....

 

7/31 Hey We're in the Last stretch of Vacation and i still haven't egged Walden's house <sigh>

      Hey about the Michael Jackson's Sony lawsuit: He is accusing towards aliens right? What!?!? He thinks he's black?!?!?!

     

7/22 OK I'm getting my long hair cut. <sigh> it doesn't look that great and i look well like nolte (gah!?!?!?!?) so there <sigh> adieu adieu parting is such sweet sorrow. 

 

7/16 <sigh> i don't know but do u think I should keep the Mustache and goatee? I dunno: I look damn good looking, but i look old i mean way old (20+) It gives me a devilish look (which is good) though sigh i dunno. O well i've gone much too far to just 'chop it off' (1 1/2 months baby!)

 

 

Have u ever thought y people use 'gay' to describe something that they think is stupid? Obviously I did.  It doesn't make sense to call some1 or something a homosexual cuz that would imply being a homosexual is stupid or that they r lower than us or less than human. That, however, is the mindset nowadays yet it is wrong. Sure, being a homosexual isn't the normal way but they too are human beings. 

 

7/4  Happy 4th!!!!!!

 

Hey.  As you can see I delete and added stuff and retooled the focus of the website.  Hope you like it.( P.S. the screenshot has me with a mustache and goatee cuz i'm growing one!!!).

     I can't believe the Wed. movies: I honestly thought they (Like Mike, PP Girls) would  really really suck but they both got 3 outta 4 stars from Kc Star. And MIIB, which i thought would rox vehemenently,  but was just an ok film receiving 2.5 stars (KC Star) and, according to the Star, was "not original."  <sigh> O well... Enjoy the 4th today!!! 

 

May the Schwartz be with you.

 

Peña